Hey peeps!
I thought of doing more vacation photos today buti figured you could only see so many pictures of moss covered trees,
coffee and my weird family! So i'll give you a break!
Today i wanted to let you glimpse into the world that is my father.
Below are a few funnies.
He sends 7 funnies out every Friday morning.
He sends 7 funnies out every Friday morning.
One for everyday of the week.
his has been his thing for YEARS.
his has been his thing for YEARS.
These funnies are to show you the kind of guy my dad is.
Hes quirky, weird, silly, and enjoys a good laugh.
(Im not like him at all)
These are a few of my favorites:
Hes quirky, weird, silly, and enjoys a good laugh.
(Im not like him at all)
These are a few of my favorites:
After a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed Montreal for Hudson.
As
the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled
out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: “Hi sweetheart
it’s Eric, I’m on the train – yes, I know it’s the six thirty and not
the four thirty but I had a long meeting – no, honey, not with
that floozie from the accounts office, with the boss. No sweetheart,
you’re the only one in my life – yes, I’m sure, cross my heart”
etc., etc.
Fifteen
minutes later, he was still talking loudly, when the young woman
sitting next to him, who was obviously angered by his continuous
diatribe, yelled at the top of her voice: ”Hey, Eric, turn that stupid
phone off and come back to bed!”
Eric doesn’t use his cell phone in public any longer.
A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long
flight. The lawyer asks her if she would like to play a fun game. The
blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap. So she politely declines
and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a
question. If you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. If you
ask me a question and I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the blonde's attention. To keep him quiet, she agrees to
play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the
earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word. She reaches into her purse, pulls out
a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She a asked the lawyer, "What goes up a
hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references. He uses the
air-phone. He searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He
sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.
After one hour of searching, he finally gives up. He wakes up the
blonde and hands her $500. The blonde takes the $500 and goes back to
sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes her up and
asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down
with four?"
The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back
to sleep.
flight. The lawyer asks her if she would like to play a fun game. The
blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap. So she politely declines
and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a
question. If you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. If you
ask me a question and I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the blonde's attention. To keep him quiet, she agrees to
play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the
earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word. She reaches into her purse, pulls out
a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She a asked the lawyer, "What goes up a
hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references. He uses the
air-phone. He searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He
sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.
After one hour of searching, he finally gives up. He wakes up the
blonde and hands her $500. The blonde takes the $500 and goes back to
sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes her up and
asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down
with four?"
The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back
to sleep.
AN OLD MAN WAS GROCERY SHOPPING WITH
HIS GRANDSON . THE TODDLER WAS CRYING
AND AT TIMES SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF HIS
LUNGS .
AS THE OLD GENTLEMAN WALKED UP AND DOWN
THE AISLES, PEOPLE COULD HEAR HIM SPEAKING
IN A SOFT VOICE ,
"WE ARE ALMOST DONE, ALBERT...
TRY NOT TO CRY, ALBERT...
LIFE WILL GET BETTER, ALBERT..."
AS HE APPROCHED THE CHECKOUT STAND,
HE CAREFULLY BRUSHED THE TODDLER'S
TEARS FROM HIS EYES AND SAID AGAIN,
"TRY NOT TO CRY, ALBERT...
WE WILL BE HOME SOON, ALBERT..."
AS HE WAS PAYING THE CASHIER, THE
TODDLER CONTINUED TO CRY AS A YOUNG
WOMAN IN LINE BEHIND HIM SAID, "SIR, I
THINK IT IS WONDERFUL HOW SWEET YOU
ARE BEING TO YOUR LITTLE ALBERT."
THE OLD GENTLEMAN BLINKED HIS EYES A
COUPLE OF TIMES BEFORE SAYING, "MISS, MY
GRANDSON'S NAME IS JOHN...
I'M ALBERT........................
What does a nosey pepper do??? Get jalapeño business!
A
man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just
going
by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing You're
just
like Frank.
Passenger:
'Who?'
Cabbie: 'Frank
Feldman.. He's a guy who did everything right all the time
Like
my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to
Frank
Feldman every single time.
Passenger: 'There
are always a few clouds over everybody.
Cabbie: 'Not
Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won
the
Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera
baritone
and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play
the
piano. He was an amazing guy.
Passenger: Sounds
like he was something really special.
Cabbie: 'There's
more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered
everybody's
birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which
fork
to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and
the
whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, could do everything right.
Passenger: 'Wow,
some guy then.'
Cabbie: 'He
always knew the quickest way to go in traffic
and
avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them.
But
Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a
woman
and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she
was
in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly
polished
too - He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one
could
ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'
Passenger:' An
amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'
Cabbie: 'Well,
I never actually met Frank, he died and I married his wife.
After
every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which
tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the
problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe
sheets before the next flight.
Never
let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas by maintenance engineers:
Pilot:
Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Engineer:
Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Pilot:
Test flight OK except auto-land very rough.
Engineer:
Auto-land not installed on this air craft.
Pilot:
Something loose in cockpit.
Engineer:
Something tightened in cockpit.
Pilot
Dead bugs on windshield.
Engineer:
Live bugs on back-order.
Pilot:
Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
Engineer:
Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Pilot:
Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Engineer:
Evidence removed.
Pilot:
DME volume unbelievably loud.
Engineer:
DME volume set to more believable level.
Pilot:
Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Engineer:
That's what they're for.
Pilot
IFF inoperative.
Engineer:
IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Pilot:
Suspected crack in windshield.
Engineer:
Suspect you're right.
Pilot:
Number 3 engine missing.
Engineer:
Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Pilot:
Aircraft handles funny.
Engineer:
Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Pilot:
Target radar hums.
Engineer:
Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
Pilot:
Mouse in cockpit.
Engineer:
Cat installed.
Pilot:
Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on
something with a hammer.
Engineer:
Took hammer away from midget.2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BluRay? I don't want to have to restart my video collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever..
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. My 6-year old granddaughter asked me in the car the other day "What would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the heck do I respond to that?
19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..
20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Beer than with Kay
Just
because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't
love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental
hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,
Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He
sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna
promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When
the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately
ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be
mentally stable.
When
she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally
respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love...
I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The
bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right
after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.
Edna
replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry...
There are many more but i told you i would only
give you "a glimpse" any more and you might turn....!
Have a great weekend my friends!!
